i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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