You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize