I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
