I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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