Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
