how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
