I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
