Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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