And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize