It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
