i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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