i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize