I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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