Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize