He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
