my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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