garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
