It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
