Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
