I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His nipple licking is glorious
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