i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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