i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
