she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
