you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
