this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
