theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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