Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
