i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
