It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
