I wish I could punch you in the face.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
