You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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