I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize