Jerry, you need to find god
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
