Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
