these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
