I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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