In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
