Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
