I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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