wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
