You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
send nudes
from the living room?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
