the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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