I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
