i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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