Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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