sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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