i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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