I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
