I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
