Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
