She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
