i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
