I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
