I will die if light touches me.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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