Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
