I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
