Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
