Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
