You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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