My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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