You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i dont even know how to be here
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
