Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
