At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He? As in you personified your dick?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
