You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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