my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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