so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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